I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
