I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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