I got chris browned last night
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
