Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
