He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
