Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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