If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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