Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
