if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
