Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
