There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
