I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
