I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
