Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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