So drunk its hurt
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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