Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
