im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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