Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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