My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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