yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
