I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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