i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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