We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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