I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
