Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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