sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
