remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
