He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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