Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
