So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
