i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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