I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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