I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
