I hate your face
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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