hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
