so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am one with the molecules
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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