plz talk dirty to me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
