On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
