did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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