I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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