maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize