Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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