ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
