the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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