She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
