I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
