girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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