11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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