you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
