I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize