he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
