the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
