so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
