New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
