Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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