okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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