Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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