And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
