I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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