so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
