You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
