I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
