Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
