where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
